Chapter
5
Spiritual RAPE (Manipulation)
SEX IN THE CHURCH and THE APOSTLE
…
At the tender age of twenty–two, a newborn babe in Christ, I was on fire for God because of all that He had done for
me. I had zeal for God but not according to knowledge. I was married for little over a year to the young man that the Apostle
suggested for me. And during this time, my husband and I were having some serious marital problems as a direct result of immaturity
on both our parts. I was at my wits end and needed someone with life experience to talk to me. Now according to the word of
God the older women are to teach the young women how to love their husbands.
Titus 2:4
4That they may teach the young
women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children
Therefore, talking
with one of the mothers in the church was definitely on my to-do list in an effort to get some help. However, in this church,
under the leadership of the Apostle, things were a little bit different. Although he often quoted the appropriate scriptures
from the bible, they took on a different meaning when the time came to act on what the scriptures say. Allow me to explain.
You see we had two church mothers at the time, one who had three grown children but no husband and the other with four grown
children and an unsaved husband. Here is the catch twenty-two; the Apostle would have someone read this scripture in Titus
2:4 and boldly state that the mothers should teach the young women how to love their husbands. Then all in the same breath
he would declare and disqualify the two mothers, stating that neither one of them were qualified to teach the young women
in our church how to love their husbands. He would take the liberty to point
out that the one who had no husband certainly wasn’t in a favorable position to teach young women how to love their
husbands, and the other couldn’t teach the young women in the church how to love a saved man because of the fact that
her husband was not in the church. The only other aged woman in the church that the younger married women could possibly turn
to for guidance was the Apostles wife, and he would disqualify her in his dissertations as he constantly exploited her weaknesses.
I believe this was all part of his scheme to eliminate the young sisters’ choices for counsel concerning our marriages.
Accordingly, when ever there was trouble in any of our homes, no matter what the situation, married or single, male or female,
young and old, we would turn to the Apostle for advice. As quiet as it has been kept, the 6-foot dirt creature that we all
called Apostle had subconsciously taken the place of God.
Because
of this teaching, when I was having problems in my marriage I went straight to the Apostle for counsel. Now, typically when we think of going to our Pastors or Leaders for counsel, it is the ideal thing to do,
especially when it pertains to counsel for relationship issues.
Consequently,
on this one very significant issue, when I called upon the Apostle for advice, he instructed me to come by the apartment where
he and his wife lived. He said we could talk about my problems there. Now, just so you can see how naïve I was, it didn’t
phase me one way or the other that he wanted to counsel me at his residence during the day when his wife was at work. I really
didn’t think twice about it. However it is unusual, uncommon and certainly not wise for a Pastor to counsel a young
woman in the comfort of his home during the day, when his wife is at work.
The
Apostle was always available during the day because he didn’t work. He
says he was called to full time ministry because of the growth of our congregation; shucks I understand because we had grown
to numbers unimaginable, unthinkable, and he just had to be available for the people full time. Boy! Let me tell you, we had
approximately twenty people including the
children in our congregation, that’s right, TWENTY whole people. Ok… I’m being sarcastic, but it’s
true and I’ve got to tell you that the ministry never grew beyond twenty members in the ten years that I was there;
and to my knowledge, that status still remains. Anyway, let me get back to what I was about to share. I imagine it was around
11:00 am in the morning when I went to see the Apostle for guidance on how to make my marriage better; nevertheless, my visit
turned out to be more than a counseling session.
When
I arrived at the one bedroom apartment in Inglewood, California, where he and his wife resided, he offered me a seat on the
sofa in the living room, and then he said, “I’m listening” as he continued to iron the piece of clothing
that he had yet to put on.
I began to tell the Apostle all about my troubles. I talked mostly about how weak
and sorry I thought my husband was. I complained that he was not a man, and that he was immature and furthermore I was planning
to leave him because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I told the Apostle that I had over heard my husband and his mother
talking and I heard my mother-in-law say that she wished her son would have married one of the other sisters in our church
because she liked her better and my husband agreed. I went on and on, and as
I continued my pity party, crying, sobbing, and blaming my husband for everything that was going wrong in our marriage I felt
better, not because I was right, but because someone was finally listening to me.
Honestly
I expected the Apostle to show me some scriptures in the bible that would point out my own personal mistakes so I could re-evaluate
the situation and not place all the blame on my husband or at least give me some sound advice on what I could do to make things
more peaceful at home. On the contrary, he began to agree with me about my husband, telling me that I married a boy and not
a man.
And at some point
in the conversation he told me that I needed to learn how to make myself happy. He
used a sexual innuendo to explain what he meant as if sex is the foundation of marriage.
He asked me if I knew how a prostitute was able to work the streets, lay with many different men and retain her strength.
Well, needless to
say, I couldn’t answer the question, given the fact that I’d never entertained that life style. So he explained by saying, “she doesn’t release herself because she knows she is working”,
He further explained that if the prostitute wanted to release herself she would come back and make love to her pimp. Ok, you are probably thinking, “where is this conversation going?” Well,
if it’s any comfort to you, I was wondering too.
As I told you before,
it was always a challenge for me to follow the Apostles conversation because he jumped around a lot, changing from one subject
to another. He would conveniently throw in a scripture whenever it was necessary
to back up what he was saying, knowing that I would never dispute the word of God. He
constantly used parables to paint a picture that would explain his theory, always cross referencing his philosophy with a
scripture from the Bible. So, needless to say, by the time I was preparing to
leave his place, and after talking with him, I really didn’t know what we had specifically talked about.
I
remember standing by the door with my purse and bible in hand as I waited for him to walk me out to my car. He stood up and walked over to the door where I stood then he embraced me.
Now the embrace was not unusual, until it became inappropriate when he began to touch me intimately, placing his hand
in the small of my back and then whispering these words in my ear, “Don’t be scared.”
It
was apparent that I was very uncomfortable and nervous, so lets be real, this kind of interaction with a Pastor is definitely
unusual and wrong. So, as I stood there trembling with my heart racing, he gently
backed away from me, never taking his eyes off me. As he sat down in the chair
he softly said, “Take them off.”
I
just knew he couldn’t be talking about my clothes right? Wrong. That’s exactly what he was talking about. I was
scared to death because I couldn’t fathom in my mind what made him think I wanted to take my clothes off. Questions
immediately began running through my mind and I blamed myself for his actions, Oh my God! What had I done to entice the Apostle?
Was my dress to short? Did I smile too much? What? What did do? As I stood there stiff as a board, he repeated himself saying,
“Go ahead take them off” as if it were alright or as if he thought I was alright with his request. He wasn’t forceful in his approach in fact his actions were very gentle yet I was afraid to say no. Now I know you are probably thinking why would I be afraid to say no? Well I believe it was because I had never told him no about anything
before, in fact no was not part of my vocabulary when it came to the Apostle. So when I thought no, that word just wouldn’t
come out of my mouth. I was frozen stiff and couldn’t move or speak; I
just stood there like a scared little girl, trying to comprehend what was going down.
The Apostle stood up and slowly walked back over toward me, and gently took my purse and my bible out of my hands placing
them on the floor near my feet. He began to unbutton my blouse and then he proceeded to caress the silhouette of my body pulling
me close to him.
I was like a puppet on strings as I heeded to
his every move. At that moment, I began experiencing some serious mixed emotions as he unveiled himself in my presence preparing
to lay with me. I was definitely intimidated and afraid to tell the Apostle to stop; it was as if I was under some kind of
spiritual restraint. I wanted to tell him that I had no desire for him this way, because he was like my dad, in fact I even
called him dad at times. Nevertheless, I have to be honest with myself; there was a part of me that craved for the intimate
attention that he was apparently willing to give. You see I wanted and needed the intimate attention but I did not want sex
with him. If you can fathom this analogy in your mind, imagine this. On one hand
I felt like a homeless person who was grateful because this man had given me a warm blanket of intimacy after all those cold
nights with my husband, while at the same time I felt like a prostitute being held down in a dark alley by two men and then
being helplessly injected with a heroine needle. I wanted to say no and couldn’t, I wanted to run and wouldn’t,
I wanted to scream and be heard, but yet I didn’t even mumble one word.
Chapter 7
BEHIND THE SCENES and ON STAGE
IS THAT MAN YOUR HUSBAND?
They the told me
I couldn’t do it, they said I couldn’t write, they even said I shouldn’t try … Who are they? They
are liars, because the word of God says …
Everyone who says
“I am with you” or “I’ve got your back” is not always telling the truth. So, don’t be turned inside out when people quit or are unwilling to work with you. If God is for
you, he is more than the whole world against you, and if he gave you a vision, he will provide. So, let me tell you, whenever someone tells you that you can’t do something, it is a lie.
I
embraced the courage to write, by simply making the choice to trust the Word of God and ignore discouraging words from liars.
Listen, my brothers and my sisters, if you are you a dreamer who is gifted with
the tools to see your dreams come true, don’t allow yourself to be stripped of your strength by haters and jealous folks?
Trust me; these kinds of people do exist in places you would never imagine, for example you may have run across them amongst
people that you thought were your close personal friends, your co-workers, your family members or unbelievably even among
those that profess Jesus Christ to be Lord and Savior. But, be of good courage because you have already overcome, and God’s gonna to bless you. Does that line sound familiar, well it should, if you saw the play. You see, it is the famous line delivered by the Prophet Doc Booker,
a character from my play, also titled “Is That Man Your Husband?”
This character was derived from a combination of ministers whose delivery of Gods word was always dramatized and charismatic,
even comical to me; yet their words were effective and sharper than a two edged sword. Any
how, my reasoning for writing the Prophets famous line, “Gods gonna bless you”, to be delivered in a comedic format
in the play, was because those words have seriously blessed and encouraged me over the years. When I first understood that
it was and is God’s good pleasure to bless me, the phrase, “Gods gonna bless you”, afforded me the opportunity to laugh at the calamity of my enemies moving
purpose driven into my destined place without fear or hesitation. Especially
in the presence of those who continue to smile in my face, greet me with the sacred phrase, “Praise the Lord, Sister”, and then talk negatively about me behind my back, as if I don’t know
it. I once heard someone say, “She thinks she is all of that”, and
when I realized that they were talking about me, at first I was baffled because I didn’t know exactly what “that”
was. Anyhow, I don’t know about you, but I am still trying to figure
out just what “that” is, exactly. At any rate, I am what God says
I am; “more than a conqueror” and the mere words of lying perpetrators do not move my emotions nor do they shake
my boots in the least bit, because I would rather fail at doing something, rather than succeed at doing nothing.
WRITING THE PLAY
When I first heard
the Lord say “write”, honestly I was excited to hear from the Lord,
but I didn’t know where to begin because I had so many things toiling in my spirit.
I didn’t know if he meant for me to write a book, a play, a movie or just a note; nevertheless, I was certain
that I had heard from God. I remember falling down to a prostrate position, in
the middle of the floor in my unfurnished apartment, with a desperate need to feel the presence of the Lord. And while I lay there, feeling like a complete failure because of all I had been through and failed at,
I began to cry out to the Lord for direction. I didn’t know what to do with myself and I had a critical need to hear
a word from the Lord. It was then in the midst of my tears, I heard the Lord
say, “write”. Let me testify that just one word from the Lord can
turn your whole life around. When I got up from the floor, dried my weeping eyes
and finally sat down in front of my computer, which had become my companion, I began to write like never before. I had no direction and no thought pattern, but I was unmistakably writing by spiritual inspiration. I found myself writing passionately about what I was feeling, intensely about what
I was thinking; freely about things that I never thought I would be able to share with anyone, and humorously about how I
had overcome. I wrote about situations and circumstances that occurred in my
life and in my marriage. Writing soon became a frequent outlet for me to release
the pain and anguish that I had held inside for so long, in fact it was therapeutic for me. Weeks had past and I was still
writing everyday, like in a journal; except I was not writing about things that I was presently dealing with or encountering,
I was writing about past experiences in my marriage and in the church. Then the
day soon came when I had “the phone conversation” that changed my whole life. (The
one that I told you about in Chapter one)
THE TITLE “Is That Man Your Husband?”
Wow! This simple question was so profound to me. In fact, when my special friend asked me this question,
it stirred something in my spirit, and created a fire like none that I’d ever experienced before; a fire that is still
burning bright today.
I
had no idea that the material I had written in my journal could someday become the content that would answer this simple question
“Is That Man Your Husband?” In other words, this question soon became
the title for my “now” national hit Gospel stage play and best selling book; both of which have changed my life
for the better, forever.
Now let’s
go…
BEHIND THE SCENES
IS THAT MAN YOUR HUSBAND? THE PLAY
ACT I
Scene I The Dupree Home
Song: Is That Man Your Husband?
Scene II Let’s Go to Church
Song: Married and Lonely too
Scene III Trouble in Paradise
Scene IV The Bar
Scene V “Special Project”
Song: Beautiful
ACT II
Scene I A New Season Chardonnay’s
Home
Song: Chance
Song: Wedding Plans
Scene II Let’s Go Back To
Church
Song: Love Your Wife
Scene III Darrell (the Mail Man) Goes Postal
Scene IV Cold Feet
Song: Understanding I do
Scene V The Wedding Scene / Finale
Song: Cause I am still in love
Song: Reprise - So In love
The Characters
I’ve already
told you about the Prophet Doc Booker, and where his character was derived from, so now, let’s unveil our leading lady
character, Mrs. Chardonnay Dupree. “Chardonnay”, in my opinion, is a beautiful and sexy name for wine. I thought this name would be perfect for this character because it is a depiction
of the writer; a simple, beautiful young woman, who was confused and looking for love in all the wrong places. I named her
Chardonnay because even as a person can become drunk and dysfunctional when under the influence of wine, the truth behind
the nature of this character is that she was drunk and dysfunctional under the influence of a man’s persuasion over
her life.
The
character known as Devante Dupree;
portrays the alter ego of my ex-husband. There were times when I didn’t
know if he wanted to be a preacher or a playboy. I had previously nick named
him, “The bible toting Casanova”. Although that particular title fit
his character perfectly, I needed to give the character a name in the play. So,
as I delved into my mind, trying desperately to come up with a name that would fit this character, I kept coming up blank. Then, during a conversation with an old industry acquaintance, he blurted out the
name “DeVante Dupree” and needless to say… I thought it was perfect.
The name “Devante” had the sound of an innocent young boy from the ghetto, while the name “Dupree”
encompassed the overtone of a want-to-be playboy. Both of these descriptions
perfectly depicted my ex-husband, and this is how and why this name was adopted for this character.
Angel,
is a character that was comprised of several different women who had been like Angels
of encouragement to me over the years. There was always one who made me laugh even in the midst of tribulations; and others
who made me cry because they would tell me the truth without regard for my feelings.
This is why the character named “Angel” portrays the image of a best friend, a confidant, and an example
of a woman who is happily married.
The Pastor,
this character portrays an image of a Pastor or leader who believes and functions as if the sun rises and sets on his back
side. This character was definitely written to be comic relief. Let’s face
it, the very fact that someone would even dare to think that they are the center of God’s purpose in your life, is comedy
within itself. Writing this character with a comedic overtone is my way of sending
the clear message of freedom, because I am now able to laugh when I remember all of the hurt that I suffered in the church,
at the hand of the Pastor/Apostle. Please understand that this character was
not written in the spirit of mockery, but in the spirit of liberty. Believe me
when I tell you that there is nothing like being hurt in the church, but there is absolutely nothing like being able
to get over it and then moving forward with your destined life.
Momma Hump-King, this very zany character is an exaggerated overtone of my mother.
She portrays the kind of mother who never bothers in her children’s business.
However, she will, without hesitation, and with boldness, voice her opinion to whoever, whenever, about whatever. There are times when I sit and talk with my mother about the issues of life, and each
time my dad’s name is mentioned or something is said to bring his name to mind, my mom has a moment of reflection that
literally brings tears to her eyes, even though my dad has been with the Lord for over twenty years now.
Darrell, “The Mail Man”, this character exhibits several different men who were in my life at one time or another. There was one who was secretly in love with me, and another who maliciously tried
to destroy every possibility of my ever engaging in a serious relationship with anyone besides himself. What better way to depict this character than in the likes of a mail man.
Kelly, also known as “Sunshine” is a character that was developed to portray the alter ego of a sister, from my past, who possessed a very raunchy spirit. This sister was the epitome of deception. When you look upon
her face and listen to her words, you would think she was sold out for Jesus and walking in the anointing power of Christ. She was a petite, young, well dressed woman; who would soak herself with a very popular
perfume, topping off her innocent look with a pleasant smile. The excessive use of perfume and the smile definitely exposed
the effort put forth in her attempt to cover that ferocious body odor and that deceitful spirit that she carried. I would have never thought my husband would desire to lay with her, because he and I often had conversation
about the foul aroma that she carried. Her stench was so strong that it would
literally find its way out from underneath her heavy application of perfumed diamonds, literally taking your breath away. When I found out that my husband was exchanging body fluids with her, I was speechless.
He would tell me that he was going out for a ride, or to get an apple from a
nearby super market; when in fact he was going to lay with his mistress.
So,
in the stage play, when DeVante tells Chardonnay
that he is going for a ride; in my depiction of these characters, I lead him straight to the bar, which is the typical
place to pick up a woman with that kind of raunchy nature.
While
writing the script, I decided to redeem this character, and she receives Christ through the witness of her fictitious mother.
Malcolm is also a fictitious character who exists only in my dreams at the present time. Therefore I will wait patiently on the Lord until my dreams become a reality.
THE PLAY / THE BOOK
Wit and creativity
has made expressive writing pretty enjoyable for me. And even as other great writers, I also write from my personal experiences. However, for me, writing is how I express my liberty as I boldly stand in the place
where Christ has made me free.
In
this book and in the play, I have freely written about my personal life challenges, pitfalls, triumphs and victories, with
hopes that someone will be inspired or encouraged.
In the play, I was able to write from a fictional perspective with a foundation based
on truth. However, in the book I was able to just simply tell the truth.
